1. Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
2. I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.
3. I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
4. The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
6. You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
7. "I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
8. "New York's such a wonderful city. Although, I was at the library today, and the guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him."
9. "I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me."
10. "I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."
